Anything that can grow through concrete is one tough cookie. It’s weighed down, no rain, no sunlight and no nurturing but yet it finds a way to grow. It grows just as beautiful as if the soil has been tended to, drenched with rain, and rays from the sun.
You are weighed down, receive little to no love, no warm touches and left to dry up and crumble but yet you always find a way to bounce back. Great things grow in the darkest of places.
Each day I pray for the walls to come tumbling down but the truth is behind those walls is where I feel safe the most. My trust has been betrayed on so many levels by people who I once trusted, confided in and loved and at times I just don’t know how to let anyone in. The very one’s who claimed to love and protect me never lived up to their word. One of the scariest things in the world is that you never really know what people’s true intentions are until it’s too late and by then the damage has already been done. I build a wall, a wall that protects me yet suffocates my ability to love and to be loved so Brick by Brick I build.
I failed many times at love searching for things beyond my reach. Have I been in love before? Yes! I question myself as to where things went wrong and the only answers I could come up with was that I wanted more than what the person could give or simply wanted someone who didn’t want me. I can admit I had no business with the ones I wanted or was with. Instead of me taking each relationship and situations as a lesson I internalized my pain and my insecurities start to flare. I can recall countless of times where I tried my best to be as beautiful so that the one I wanted would see me. I would change my hair, wear make-up be more girly or however many ways to make someone notice me but none of them worked. I had to learn the hard way that if someone wants you they will make it known loud and clear and when they don’t there is nothing we can do to gain the affection and love that we yearn for from someone who doesn’t want to give it to us. Why do we love, love when love seem to hate us?
In my mind love is not a fairy-tale story. It’s simple, with lots of laughs, kisses, hugs and the long gazing stare when they’re not looking. Love to me is them breaking their necks to come support my dreams, takes trips with me and make my birthday an unforgettable day and celebrate my many levels of success. Love to me is “Good Morning” text messages, liking photos on social media to give me a boost of confidence and out of the blue phone calls just to see if I’m okay. It hurts to see the one that you have developed feelings for and love make someone else happy. It feels like your heart being ripped out of your chest and given to someone else. Why do we love, love when love seem to hate us?
I’ll take all the tears that I have shed to water the seeds of my gifts and continue to watch them grow.
The Underground Realroad UGRR Episode 2: Why People Support Celebs More Than Their Own
“Ima Support Mine ‘Cause You Mine”
Last week! I visited IIrdFloorCountry Studios to sit in on the panel of The Underground Realroad’s episode 2 “Why People Support Celebs More Than Their Own”. I’m sure all of us who are aspiring to be independent unsigned artists, musicians, actors, or even creative entrepreneurs wonder the same and ask ourselves the same question. Why is that when it comes to celebrities we show more love and make them our WCW and MCM’s but the homegirl around the way who we watched grind her way to stardom trying to make it won’t get the same love like Queen Bey why? Is it that the ones closest to us don’t believe that we can reach for the stars or is it that unseen silent hate?