I failed many times at love searching for things beyond my reach. Have I been in love before? Yes! I question myself as to where things went wrong and the only answers I could come up with was that I wanted more than what the person could give or simply wanted someone who didn’t want me. I can admit I had no business with the ones I wanted or was with. Instead of me taking each relationship and situations as a lesson I internalized my pain and my insecurities start to flare. I can recall countless of times where I tried my best to be as beautiful so that the one I wanted would see me. I would change my hair, wear make-up be more girly or however many ways to make someone notice me but none of them worked. I had to learn the hard way that if someone wants you they will make it known loud and clear and when they don’t there is nothing we can do to gain the affection and love that we yearn for from someone who doesn’t want to give it to us. Why do we love, love when love seem to hate us?
In my mind love is not a fairy-tale story. It’s simple, with lots of laughs, kisses, hugs and the long gazing stare when they’re not looking. Love to me is them breaking their necks to come support my dreams, takes trips with me and make my birthday an unforgettable day and celebrate my many levels of success. Love to me is “Good Morning” text messages, liking photos on social media to give me a boost of confidence and out of the blue phone calls just to see if I’m okay. It hurts to see the one that you have developed feelings for and love make someone else happy. It feels like your heart being ripped out of your chest and given to someone else. Why do we love, love when love seem to hate us?
I’ll take all the tears that I have shed to water the seeds of my gifts and continue to watch them grow.