When I was a little girl I remember going along with my Grandparents to flea markets to grab some cool vintage pieces you couldn’t find in regular stores. My Grandfather had a knack for finding some of the most creative pieces of art work to place on the walls to give our small spot a bit of “Feng Shui” to add to our place. The ceramic mask pictured above was one of those pieces he picked up along the way and now I have it and it’s placed right above my light switch in the hallway so that when guests come over this will be the first thing they see when they enter. I looked at the mask the other day as if i never saw it before and so when I settled for the evening I thought about the many masks that some of us wear on a daily basis.
Some people wear masks for protection and then there are those who wear masks to conceal and hide their true selves. I myself have worn masks and still do to this day for my protection of course. Vulnerability and transparency has grown on me this past year and I found myself to be a bit more open and then there are times when I feel like hiding so I go and put on The Mask. I used to feel safer hiding behind my smile, my laughter and my humorous spirit knowing good and well that everything is not peachy and that I’m going through so much of an internal struggle with self-identity, loneliness, doubts and uncertainty. There’s not many people who I trust with my personal struggles as a young woman in today’s society. There’s so much pressure to be like this, look like that, have this, have that and the beat goes on.
I cried for two nights in a row, first night happy tears and the next night uncertain insecure tears came upon me. It was so weird because I haven’t felt like that in quite a while. It scared me a little because I thought I was over those feelings and emotions of inadequacy and self-doubt. I always have to remind myself on a daily that I came this far without the support and encouragement I needed to move forward and opening myself up isn’t a bad thing. I’ve been stuck in a shell most of my life and I dare not allow those late night thoughts, emotions and feelings get the best of me.
Day-by-day I allow my mask to slowly chip away to reveal one of the most beautiful spirits God has created. I’m soft yet strong, maybe too strong for my own good but that’s only for protection. I’m wise yet forever learning and seeking more and more wisdom. I’m so glad I no longer wear….