This past year I realized those who were against me and those who are for me. Sadly! Those who have my best interest are those who I barely even know. “Never looking for a pat on the back or even an applause but just simple love and support” but yet instead I receive criticism and ridicule for utilizing the gifts that were given by the great giver (God) of many gifts. This is a time where I can decipher those who need to stay in my life and those who’s time is well spent in being in the company of my presence. In order for me to grow and reach my full potential unfortunately this must take place.
For years I have believed the naysayers and listened to those who always told me ” You can’t” , ” You’ll never make it”. I would at times go to them for advice and a shoulder to lean on but as usual I was fed the negative instead of the positive. I later realized that these are those who sat on their hopes and dreams and became stagnated in FEAR. They always seen what could possibly go wrong (Negative Thinkers) I too was one who allowed FEAR to steal the JOY of living my dreams, knowing that deep down I had gifts to share and enjoy. Growing up in a religious household I was programmed into believing that God was a genie and the answers to my prayers would be waiting for me at my door steps when in all actuality the answers were within. It was up to me to decide whether I was going to sit back or step out on FAITH to see what I was truly made of. Ever since I took that leap my life changed dramatically right before my very eyes. Doors, windows, cubby holes, attics etc… were opening for me.
Growing up the opportunities where always finding me but the spirit of FEAR always found its way to deter me from turning my dreams into reality and I ran from them. –Miss, LIV
FEAR always told me what I couldn’t do, what I didn’t have enough of, and how hard it would be. Yes! it is hard but this struggle is all worth it why? because PROGRESS is being made and I’m at PEACE with who it is that I am (Many can’t claim such a thing). I could no longer take a back seat to what it is that was given to me (Gifts that is). I found myself ignoring the echos of creativity, and dumbing down my intellect. I would wake up each day knowing that gifts were stirring in my spirit and having no one around to help groom them was complete AGONY. No one could ever understand me but those who shared the same gifts as me. I was different then most and separate from the rest. I can remember a person once asked me, “You day dream a lot, don’t you?” Yes! was my answer and now look at me, I look the dreamer in the eyes every morning and see them come to reality.
I walk in the streets filled with many foot steps but all I hear are my own.
Walking on the journey to greatness, pure joy and happiness but I feel so alone. I’m becoming the she He’s created, and not of my own. I’m strong! in deed I am but I can’t be all on my own. To love is my nature and laughter is my medicine. I walk Alone…….